the test of obedience

"The obedient man shall speak of victory." Proverbs 21:28

I don't mind speaking of defeat, if it means I get to go to New York.
     Stupid brain, that is not how it works.  
But Josh, lighten up.  You know that this trip will be good for you.  You know that it's alright.  
     Shut up.  I think I'm going to take a nap.  

Sometimes, naps are good for temperance.

     Priests and nuns and brothers consistently say that obedience is the hardest vow to live.  Which is an absolutely ridiculous claim until you live the vows.  
     No, people of the world, chastity is not the toughest.  In the inward turn from complication to simplicity, you start giving up simple things for complicated ones.  Easy and shallow pleasures are denied; difficult and profound ones embraced.  This takes a lot of work, but is rather doable.  
     Like seriously, totes doable.  
     Here's where it gets interesting.  Poverty and chastity are fairly straightforward.  Once you cross from the pursuit of freedom from to the pursuit of freedom for, you are capable of some rather heroic acts of self-giving sacrifice.  Love starts to overcome desires, and you start becoming saintly for the first time.  
     But a wild PROBLEM appears!  All this growth can start to make you feel rather self-sufficient.  Look at all the things I don't need anymore.  Isn't my life so simple?  Aren't I soooo disciplined?  Oftentimes along the way, you forget that you accomplish all these things in Christ, and you begin to think that you accomplish all these things in Josh.  
     Enter the test of obedience.  After a while, you've started being obedient to yourself.  And it's gotten you places, making you so disciplined, so you start to trust yourself.  You trust yourself to know when to sacrifice and love, and to know the best choice for your life.  
     Then your superior makes a decision that is not the one you made and all of a sudden your righteously accomplished will is leading you into sin.  Because he doesn't know what's best; obviously it's you that does, because you've grown so much in holiness on your own.  
     And that's how growing in poverty and chastity can make obedience way harder if you don't know what you're doing or get lazy for even a moment or you forget the place that God has in all of this.  
     And if I've learned anything from the Bible, it is that forgetfulness leads to exile and awareness leads to the Promised Land.  
     I just keep forgetting that lesson.  #annoying

And I reeeealy wanted to go to New York.  
     Oh well, I guess I'll be hanging out in NePa.