Today I found an AIM conversation saved and buried in my email. excerpt:
Celestial Juliet (9:31:57 PM): You might understand this one quite well.
Celestial Juliet (9:32:07 PM):The shadows around me
are no longer sleeping
they dance and they speak of
the secret they're keeping
joshthetitan929 (9:33:50 PM): you've basically dug into my heart and and grasped my life and exposed it to all(ok us)
joshthetitan929 (9:35:52 PM): with your permission, i'll add it to my myspace
I am so grateful for the find. So much learning about myself.
what did I learn?
i've danced from poet to poet.
i consumed them, each one.
"you are what you eat"
it's a lie.
you taste what you eat,
you feel what you eat,
you grow from what you eat,
but you don't become what you eat;
it becomes you.
i've danced from poet to poet.
i count four in all.
each broke open the world a little farther
by breaking me a little more
without even trying.
and i'm grateful.
because what they broke wasn't me.
they broke an image,
a facade.
and left behind something a little realer.
freer.
better.
i've danced from poet to poet.
feeling where they felt and
reaching where they reached,
and, once broken,
i reached a little straighter
in the direction
that my hands were made
to reach,
without inhibition.
I have danced from poet to poet, and each of them has given me freedom.
the scary thing is, freedom looks so different from what i want
for me.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
increase the decrease
"He must increase, I must decrease."
-The Voice
I didn't say this. I would never say this. At least, unprovoked, I would never say this.
No, the guy who said this was insane. He ate bugs and didn't shower. And he gave himself a nickname: the Voice. And not one of those soft, sensual, lovely voices that whispers truths into your ears and causes you to shiver with warmth. This voice was crying out, crying out so obnoxiously that it even did so in the womb.
But the most remarkable part of his self-proclaimed nickname is not that he called himself the voice, but that he called himself the voice. He wasn't just a voice crying out in the wilderness, he was it.
The big kahuna.
The main man.
In a Gospel that claims God to be the Word, being the voice is a pretty fricken huge deal.
Just think of the intimacy. The voice is what gives life to the word, that sets it on its way to people.
But there's a humility to it. The voice isn't the word; it is simply the medium by which it travels. John was in no way the center of it all. He was simply a vehicle; a medium. By him, the Word first floated across the plain and into people's eardrums.
But can you think of a more intimate way to be with the Word?
The answer is no.
Which is why we have to be the voice too.
Duh.
This is unbelievably easy to screw up.
You start off so well, being the voice. You do it better and better, decreasing and decreasing.
But one day you say to yourself, gosh isn't that voice lovely?
You just...forget...forget that you're not the word but the voice.
And it's all downhill from there.
Forgetfulness means exile, the Oldies remind us.
The most annoying thing about growing up is discovering all the new ways to forget.
And forget.
And forget.
Just be the voice--THE voice.
It's so simple, just don't forget it.
Just increase the decrease.
Just be free,
silly novice.
-The Voice
I didn't say this. I would never say this. At least, unprovoked, I would never say this.
No, the guy who said this was insane. He ate bugs and didn't shower. And he gave himself a nickname: the Voice. And not one of those soft, sensual, lovely voices that whispers truths into your ears and causes you to shiver with warmth. This voice was crying out, crying out so obnoxiously that it even did so in the womb.
But the most remarkable part of his self-proclaimed nickname is not that he called himself the voice, but that he called himself the voice. He wasn't just a voice crying out in the wilderness, he was it.
The big kahuna.
The main man.
In a Gospel that claims God to be the Word, being the voice is a pretty fricken huge deal.
Just think of the intimacy. The voice is what gives life to the word, that sets it on its way to people.
But there's a humility to it. The voice isn't the word; it is simply the medium by which it travels. John was in no way the center of it all. He was simply a vehicle; a medium. By him, the Word first floated across the plain and into people's eardrums.
But can you think of a more intimate way to be with the Word?
The answer is no.
Which is why we have to be the voice too.
Duh.
This is unbelievably easy to screw up.
You start off so well, being the voice. You do it better and better, decreasing and decreasing.
But one day you say to yourself, gosh isn't that voice lovely?
You just...forget...forget that you're not the word but the voice.
And it's all downhill from there.
Forgetfulness means exile, the Oldies remind us.
The most annoying thing about growing up is discovering all the new ways to forget.
And forget.
And forget.
Just be the voice--THE voice.
It's so simple, just don't forget it.
Just increase the decrease.
Just be free,
silly novice.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
the test of obedience
"The obedient man shall speak of victory." Proverbs 21:28
I don't mind speaking of defeat, if it means I get to go to New York.
Stupid brain, that is not how it works.
But Josh, lighten up. You know that this trip will be good for you. You know that it's alright.
Shut up. I think I'm going to take a nap.
Sometimes, naps are good for temperance.
Priests and nuns and brothers consistently say that obedience is the hardest vow to live. Which is an absolutely ridiculous claim until you live the vows.
No, people of the world, chastity is not the toughest. In the inward turn from complication to simplicity, you start giving up simple things for complicated ones. Easy and shallow pleasures are denied; difficult and profound ones embraced. This takes a lot of work, but is rather doable.
Like seriously, totes doable.
Here's where it gets interesting. Poverty and chastity are fairly straightforward. Once you cross from the pursuit of freedom from to the pursuit of freedom for, you are capable of some rather heroic acts of self-giving sacrifice. Love starts to overcome desires, and you start becoming saintly for the first time.
But a wild PROBLEM appears! All this growth can start to make you feel rather self-sufficient. Look at all the things I don't need anymore. Isn't my life so simple? Aren't I soooo disciplined? Oftentimes along the way, you forget that you accomplish all these things in Christ, and you begin to think that you accomplish all these things in Josh.
Enter the test of obedience. After a while, you've started being obedient to yourself. And it's gotten you places, making you so disciplined, so you start to trust yourself. You trust yourself to know when to sacrifice and love, and to know the best choice for your life.
Then your superior makes a decision that is not the one you made and all of a sudden your righteously accomplished will is leading you into sin. Because he doesn't know what's best; obviously it's you that does, because you've grown so much in holiness on your own.
And that's how growing in poverty and chastity can make obedience way harder if you don't know what you're doing or get lazy for even a moment or you forget the place that God has in all of this.
And if I've learned anything from the Bible, it is that forgetfulness leads to exile and awareness leads to the Promised Land.
I just keep forgetting that lesson. #annoying
And I reeeealy wanted to go to New York.
Oh well, I guess I'll be hanging out in NePa.
I don't mind speaking of defeat, if it means I get to go to New York.
Stupid brain, that is not how it works.
But Josh, lighten up. You know that this trip will be good for you. You know that it's alright.
Shut up. I think I'm going to take a nap.
Sometimes, naps are good for temperance.
Priests and nuns and brothers consistently say that obedience is the hardest vow to live. Which is an absolutely ridiculous claim until you live the vows.
No, people of the world, chastity is not the toughest. In the inward turn from complication to simplicity, you start giving up simple things for complicated ones. Easy and shallow pleasures are denied; difficult and profound ones embraced. This takes a lot of work, but is rather doable.
Like seriously, totes doable.
Here's where it gets interesting. Poverty and chastity are fairly straightforward. Once you cross from the pursuit of freedom from to the pursuit of freedom for, you are capable of some rather heroic acts of self-giving sacrifice. Love starts to overcome desires, and you start becoming saintly for the first time.
But a wild PROBLEM appears! All this growth can start to make you feel rather self-sufficient. Look at all the things I don't need anymore. Isn't my life so simple? Aren't I soooo disciplined? Oftentimes along the way, you forget that you accomplish all these things in Christ, and you begin to think that you accomplish all these things in Josh.
Enter the test of obedience. After a while, you've started being obedient to yourself. And it's gotten you places, making you so disciplined, so you start to trust yourself. You trust yourself to know when to sacrifice and love, and to know the best choice for your life.
Then your superior makes a decision that is not the one you made and all of a sudden your righteously accomplished will is leading you into sin. Because he doesn't know what's best; obviously it's you that does, because you've grown so much in holiness on your own.
And that's how growing in poverty and chastity can make obedience way harder if you don't know what you're doing or get lazy for even a moment or you forget the place that God has in all of this.
And if I've learned anything from the Bible, it is that forgetfulness leads to exile and awareness leads to the Promised Land.
I just keep forgetting that lesson. #annoying
And I reeeealy wanted to go to New York.
Oh well, I guess I'll be hanging out in NePa.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)