God and Mammon

     Seriously though, you can't serve both. 

     I know what I should be doing ("should" is a declaration of moral necessity, btw).  I need to be reading.  I need to be writing.  I need to be going for walks and bike rides and laying in the grass and letting the 97 degree sun have a little time with my face.  Not only do I want to be doing these things, I need to be doing them. 
     But last week we started watching House of Cards in the rectory (pastor not present; too busy serving the people of God).  I've already seen it, but it was great to watch it again.  In 5 days we watched all 26 episodes.  It was great. And for 5 days I sat on the couch and watched Kevin Spacey and didn't read a single sentence from anything other than the paper.  
     Then when that was over I found this great game for the iPad where you have a tank and you fight other tanks and it's totally awesome and fun and has a historical background and for 2 days I stared at my iPad and didn't read anything, not even the newspaper.  
     I literally can't serve both.  I can't do all those things I need to be doing while I'm sucked into the Netflix vortex or chained to my progress in an app.  I can only do one or the other.  And one promotes spiritual and intellectual growth while the other really just wastes my time.  The choice is obvious, but deviously hard to actually make.  
     I mean hard.  And it's not like I have this great moment of temptation where the clear choice between book and TV is presented and I can struggle to a decision.  No, it's hard because Mammon tends to own you.  It possesses you.  And you don't even know you've chosen Mammon until you sit back and realize your book has spent a week collecting dust on your nightstand.  It's hard because you don't realize you've made the choice.  
     But once the choice is made, the bond grows stronger.  "Just one more episode," or "just one more battle," you say, and 3 hours later it's 2am and you have 4 hours to sleep before morning prayer.  Sloth is one of the most terrifying sins because you don't even realize you're fighting it.  It's like carbon dioxide: it starts killing you and you don't even know it's happening.  

     An entire week lost.  Shameful, really.  But this morning I deleted the app and started over.  Yet another start.  
     This could get exhausting if grace weren't so magnificently full of wonder.